Car sex isn’t just for teenagers with no lock on their bedroom door. When you can’t get privacy at home, don’t have money for a motel room or simply can’t wait until you get home to bone, your car may be the only option. Everyone has done the dirty in their car at some point or another. Right?
It can be exciting, but it can also be a bit challenging depending on your vehicle. Since we love providing shoppers with invaluable car buying advice, we put together a list of the 10 best cars to do it in. So turn off the motor, set the radio low, hop in the back seat and get to it.
#10 Nissan Cube
Pros: Fold flat seats, headroom (or legroom depending on the position)
Cons: Impossible to get laid if you own one
The Nissan Cube is a sexual conundrum. The car is, as its name suggests, a box on wheels, thus offering plenty of cubic feet for deed-doing. Thanks to seats that are practically made to fold into a bed and ample head room, a host of sexual positions are possible that you just couldn’t pull off in a normal car. But herein lies the problem. Even Sean Connery would have trouble getting laid while driving a Nissan Cube, so no one has ever been able to report on this first hand. Lucky for you, we have (overly) active imaginations.
#9 Volkswagen Jetta GT
Pros: Manual windows, rear speaker deck
Cons: Small back seat
Although there’s nothing sexy about the styling on the 3rd generation Jetta, it actually makes a pretty good place to bang for several reasons. First, the rear speaker deck is a great place to fold and place your clothes (can’t get your shirt wrinkled!) Second, it has rear grab handles which can be used to hold yourself at “that perfect angle” for an extended period of time, or for the rest of us, a few second. Third, the GT model has crank windows which can be easily rolled down for a little fresh air without turning on the engine and ruining the mood. It isn’t the most spacious back seat, but there are plenty of reasons to do it in this little German sedan. If you need a few more reasons, keep in mind that Heidi Klum and Claudia Schiffer are both German.
#8 Pickup Trucks
Pros: Big box, off-road capabilities, punny name
Cons: Out in the open
All real truck drivers know that an open box, or “bed” makes for an excellent place to make love under a starry sky. If your lover has discerning taste, make sure the box is clean and remember to bring a blanket. Although the bed allows for plenty of room for activities, it offers little in the way of privacy. Luckily the pickup truck has the power and capability to reach that special spot that smaller cars just aren’t able to get to.
#7 Ford Crown Victoria
Pros: Plush bench seats, cop fantasies
Cons: Cloth seats stain easily
As far as full size sedans go, the Ford Crown Victoria is one of the best to show your partner what you’re working with. The interior is spacious and cushy. it doesn’t have a bunch of bells and whistles in it that can get in the way, like a center console for example. The interior in the Crown Vic is essentially two rows of couches, and you know what they call a couch that fits two people? A love seat. If that’s not an indicator that this car was made to be boom town, population 2 (or more), than what is? Most Crown Vics were sold with pleather interior making clean up easy if their happens to be any messes. Best of all, you’ll essentially be making love in the back of a cop car, which is pretty sweet especially if you have a fetish for authority figures.
#6 Ford E-150 Conversion Van
Pros: Real bed, curtains, TV/VCR.
Cons: Requires traveling family band
Okay, this one is obvious, but there is no way we couldn’t include the family conversion van. There’s a bed, curtains, and a VCR. It is quite literally a motel room on wheels, and better in many ways because it is yours. The best part is you can walk straight from the front seats of the car to the back, so there’s no need to leave the car. And if your copulation results in conception, stay positive. Provided that you don’t have octuplets, you will have plenty of room for the new addition(s) to the family.
#5 Audi A8
Pros: Heated massaging seats, Rear climate/radio control, tilt-away steering wheel
Cons: Hand stitched leather, rear seat center console
Everyone’s definition of success is different, but I think we can confidently say if you’re getting laid in the back of an Audi A8 you’ve made it. With features liked heated/massaging seats, trillion-zone climate control, rear climate and radio controls and even an optional refrigerator for a cold beverage (drive responsibly) there’s no lack of amenities in this love machine. The best feature of all might be the auto-tilt away steering wheel for when you just don’t have time to make it to the back seat. Thing is, you might not even want to take the party to the back seat with that massive second row center console getting in the way. Wherever the magic ends up happening, make sure not to damage that beautiful hand stitched leather!
#4 Volvo Wagon
Pros: Seats that fold flat, spacious interior, gas mileage
Cons: Large windows, no tint
Practical, reliable, economical. These might be some of the words you think of when you hear Volvo Wagon. Maybe you should add “sexual” to that list, because it turns out that this classic whip is a great place to get down. The seats fold completely flat, turning the back into a temporary love shack. The wagon’s hatch is also perfect for rear-entry. The only drawback is the large windows that make the car into a fish bowl, so you either have to get some tinted windows or find a secluded spot. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. Then hell, come park it in front of our office in midtown Manhattan.
#3 Honda Odyssey
Pros: Copious amounts space, allusion to Greek Gods
Cons: It’s a minivan
If you’re doing it in a Honda Odyssey, it’s probably because you have kids and can’t get privacy at home. But hey, it could be worse. The benefits of the Honda Odyssey are fold-flat seats and a versatile interior. Parents can really get adventurous and use their imaginations. Choose to only fold down the front seats and use the third row as a couch, or fold up the center console in the second row and get creative with those super adjustable pilot seats. More importantly, the name “Odyssey” evokes the sinewy, oiled up sex fest that is Greek Mythology. That Odysseus sure did have a long, hard journey if you know what I mean…
#2 Jeep Wrangler
Pros: Durable interior, off road capability
Cons: Canvas top gets drafty
Sex can be messy, particularly if it is really good sex or really bad sex. The nastiness of the nasty can be exacerbated when you’re doing it in the enclosed space of a car. Luckily, the Jeep Wrangler interior is designed to be durable enough to handle the abuse of topless driving, which means it can also handle any natural elements that manifest during the act without permanent damage. The Wrangler also has the off road capability to take you to a private and secluded location. Once you’re off the beaten track, get that top down and poke your head out. You’ll find that the roll bars offer more than enough support.
#1 Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet SUV
Pros: Convertible top
Cons: Backseat accessibility
The Murano CrossCabriolet-Creature has been discontinued for the 2015 model year and we wonder if it was premature. Pop the top on this unusual cabriolet and you suddenly have more ways to do it than your average bedroom. Of course, like any convertible, the Murano Cross Cabriolet falls into the category of cars that you’re having sex ON rather than IN, but that also depends on the position. Sadly, all of the Murano CrossCabriolets were purchased by senior citizens in Florida, so we’ll have to wait a few years before we get first hand accounts. In the meantime all we have is our imagination. And now, gifs of senior citizens in tuned up Cavaliers!
Written by Tristan Cathers