I went through five cars in five years

According to the all-knowing Google, the average time a person will own a single car is 6 years. I find that a little odd, because I’ve actually gone through 5 cars – in a time frame of 5 years. Don’t quote me on the math, but I believe that comes out to 1 car a year. There will be no education or enlightenment provided in this blog post, just pure entertainment (hopefully). Enter the mind of a 17 year old!

My first car when I was a junior in high school was a 2005 Lexus IS300, black on black, which I named Rex. I was 17, and I’ll be honest, my reasons for wanting this car were not very good. There were two main reasons why I chose the Lexus IS300 over any other car, and they are two very bad reasons.

1. The shift knob on an automatic IS300 looked very similar to those in the manual Ferrari’s.

2. You were able to have just your fog lights on, which were a very distinct and awesome yellow.

You’re reading this and shaking your head… it’s cool… so am I.

So here’s the best part. One day I saw a video on Lexus’ website talking about their breakthrough technology on their IS300. It had some amazing suspension that allowed you to take corners faster and with full control. As a 17 year old with an attention span of a goldfish, all I saw was “LEXUS GO FAST, FAST AROUND CORNERS, NO NEED FOR BRAKES.” Turns out, there was a need for breaks. Also turns out, a 6-inch high cobble stone curb is enough to crack both your axles, have your airbags come out, and break through your windshield. GOOD times Rex, it was an amazing three months.

As I’m sure you can imagine, my parents were thoroughly pissed at me for wrecking my car. When they finally got over it a few months later, I was thrilled when they threw me the keys to yet ANOTHER Lexus. Well… thrilled may be an overstatement. I was given my dad’s old 1996 Lexus LX 450 with 140,000 miles on it. The thing was a beast, and thus my friends and I named it the TANK. The Tank was good times. It got a whopping 8 miles to the gallon thanks to my dad’s wonderful job maintaining it through the years. 1 oil change every 2 years will really mess a car up, I’ll tell you that much.

There were a lot of fond memories in the Tank. The radio was broken so we were always singing out loud to keep entertained. The meters were all broken so I knew neither how much gas I had, nor how fast I was going. There was also dried egg yolk all over the ceiling of the inside of my car thanks to a cabbage night prank gone wrong. The Tank is probably my favorite of the 5 cars. Just the times we had… so damn good!

Around the time it became evident a new vehicle was necessary, this YouTube clip (foul language warning) was at the height of its popularity. I was so obsessed with this clip that I decided on a 2007 Nissan Murano as my next car. The official color of the car is Merlot, but I like to think the color is actually “Juggernaut.” The rounded profile of the car matched with the color, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Yes, I chose a car because I thought it looked like a character from X-Men and yes, I was 18 years old. I called this car the Baby Jug, as only the Juggernaut himself should be called the Juggernaut.

Baby Jug was really special. It went through a lot and like a champ withstood so much pain. At Rutgers University where I attended college, Baby Jug regularly carried 10 passengers around. It crashed into an industrial gate and made it out alive. Numerous trips to Boston, Connecticut, Atlantic City, never complaining, always standing tall. Then one day, unfortunately, Baby Jug did meet his match. I let my then-girlfriend (ex, now) borrow Baby Jug one day to have a fun day out with her friends.

Be aware, she is Korean. Korea is in Asia. She is an Asian women driver. I’m Asian too so I can get away with saying stuff like this. Anyways, while I was at work, I received… “the call.” Previously mentioned Asian women driver ex-girlfriend had crashed Baby Jug. This was one battle that could not be overcome…rest in peace young fella. Rest in peace.

After a painful few months living life with no motor vehicle, I decided again it was time to stop walking and start driving. For the first time, I decided to lease a vehicle. With the mindset that a lease will allow me to splurge a bit, I went with a 2008 Mercedes C300. It was definitely one helluva ride, but unfortunately, not many stories to tell. I neither crashed the car, nor was it stolen, vandalized, broken into or anything! Pretty boring I suppose… nice car though. Sent the thing back after a short 2-year lease.

My most recent car was definitely the most eye catching. It was a 2003 Mercedes CLK55 AMG, pewter silver. With 362-hp and even more torque than that, the thing was an absolute monster. I couldn’t help but feel like a boss everywhere I went. The best story I have about the beast was when I passed a police car going roughly 130mph on Rt4 in New Jersey. The police car’s sirens came on, tires screeched, but before he can even get on the road, I was out of sight. My heart was racing and I was scared as hell, but hey, I got away with it. It was a sad day saying goodbye to the beast, but the car needed to be sold in order for me to move out of the suburbs. I still dream about that car to this day.

So that’s it, my 5 cars in 5 years. Despite having each car for such a short period of time, there were so many memories made in each one. I wouldn’t trade crashing the IS or having an egg thrown into my LX for anything else in the world. The moral of the story here is… well there is none! Happy driving!